I’m 45 and about to get married for the first time.
What is it like to be married? To commit to someone for so long?
I have a child from an ex (fiance) and a finance prior to that. You could say that every decade of my life I’ve committed to marrying someone before I didn’t.
But here I am.
Forty five and about to get married for the first time. And I’m happy.
Like I can tick this box on the list that says 'Demonstrates adulting successfully’.
I feel smug.
Wtf is this marriage thing…
Drool. Spit. Saliva. Slag.
Urgh, just writing those words makes me feel squirmish. And yet, in the right context, it’s hot.
Welcome to the land of human sexuality with its many fine lines between erotic and gross. One person’s turn-on is another person’s turn-off. But since when did saliva become a thing?
Since it started really showing up in porn.
When I started watching porn over 20 years ago, I don’t recall seeing spit make much of an appearance at all. These days it’s almost a central character.
A few years ago I got into a lot of Rocco Siffredi…
I’m OK and not OK
Well, here it is: my first mother’s day since mum died. I’m lost for words and yet I feel like I have lots to say.
I had a few friends ask me the day before Mother’s Day how I was feeling about it. I thanked them for their thoughts and said ‘I’m OK’. But then I woke up crying.
Mum died a little over 3 months ago. Her death was sudden and unexpected, and the way I found her deceased was traumatic.
Mother’s Day was one of mum’s favourite events I…
I blame mobile phones and the Internet
Waiting at a cafe the other morning for takeaway coffees I did something I rarely see or rarely do: I stood there without my mobile phone and just waited.
I used the waiting time to drool over the cake display, look at the cafe decor, people watch and space out.
I stood there without distraction.
I stood there without the prop of my phone.
I stood there a little awkwardly but clearly waiting.
And it rocked.
Acts like what I did seem quite rebellious these days. If you’re not on your mobile and…
I love a good post-sex debrief.
Not every time, but sometimes a conversation about how awesome the sex was can add to the exhilaration of a good fucking. And of course, on the flip side, a deconstruction of what went wrong can be very useful.
Ultimately, sex debrief can be a bonding and learning experience. Sex is all about communication: with your body and with your emotions. Adding in actual verbal communication after the fact (let alone during) can benefit both (or all) parties.
If the sex was mind-blowing, it can be affirming and informative (“I nearly left the solar…
The annoying habits of my brain during sex
It’s hard to switch off my brain at the best of times. But to have it still whirring around during sex is truly annoying.
Ironically I was working super hard at being present in my body the last time I had sex. To really be in the moment.
And then I thought ‘Hey I can write an article about this struggle!’.
Seriously brain, shut the fuck up.
Can I please just concentrate on my partner between my legs giving me a pussy snack? A rather delicious episode of snacking too.
I love orgasms. Who doesn’t? I love having them on my own, I love having them with my partner. I love how they make me feel inside and out.
So when I’m nearly on the brink of one and disappears in a poof of smoke, I feel pissed off as fuck.
Orgasms can be elusive for women. Some have them easily, alone. Some have them easily, with a partner. Some women don’t struggle with either. Some struggle with both.
Inherently women struggle. And it’s not just from difficulty orgasming.
You could say that women’s orgasms struggles mirror the struggle we…
Last night as my partner and I were snuggling in his bed (we have separate beds so I can sleep), I asked him when he last wanked. Yesterday, he replied, In the shower. Cool, I said, Was it a good one?
He laughed. We joked about spraying the shower walls with cum (which he didn’t do; don’t go too crazy here!).
We snuggled some more.
I then told him it’s been a few days for me; porn assisted.
We kissed. And snuggled.
We do this quite often, discuss our masturbatory habits. Lately sex has been low on the priority list…
Little pieces of a person remind us of who they were
My mum died just over 7 weeks ago. I just had to count the weeks — wow, only 7. It seems like it was ages ago but also just yesterday.
Grief really fucks with your sense of time.
I’ve written about her death here and here. It helped to (try to) make sense of it and to record what actually happened. I also wrote as a bit of an experiment to look back on; to see how my brain was handling the shock.
The shock is less so now…
I never realised the power of the spoken word during sex (or dirty talk if you want to call it that; I don’t) until the right words were spoken. Which I suppose makes sense. It’s difficult to imagine how good or bad something will be until it is actually done.
In masturbatory sexual fantasies the use of language is always a key component for me. …
Australian writer, sexologist, & therapist. I sometimes write about sex & pleasure. I sometimes write about weird shit, my interests & being human.