Strange bedfellows indeed
Sex and death are two sides of the same coin. One creates life (potentially), one is the end of life. It seems counterintuitive to be thinking about sex when death is hanging around, but also not. What better way to remind yourself that you are still alive than to fuck?
The trouble is, you may not to. At least, that’s where I’m at right now. I want to but I don’t. Like a part of me can’t or won’t; I’m not sure.
It feels wrong somehow to get sexually aroused in amongst the grief bubble. I find…
Death just adds another layer of complication, or does it?
When my mother suddenly died recently, all the anger, frustration and resentment I had towards her felt like it suddenly disappeared. Literally like a poof! of smoke, it seemed to disappear into the air.
But it hasn’t really gone away; that was just my experience of shock taking over for a short while.
But seriously, what happens when someone you had a significant but fucked up relationship with dies? What about all that unresolved stuff? Where does it go?
In a recent counselling session my therapist and I agreed that…
Welcome to the club
I’ve had dead people in my life before. The odd extended relative. A friend of a friend. The child of a friend of a sister of a cousin. Someone you went to school with years ago.
You know the deal.
Some of us have acculuated a lot of dead people by the time we’re adults, some haven’t. Some get to 40 with barely a collection at all.
Some feel like they’re wracking up notches on their belt; their body count is so high.
There really is no rhyme or reason to it; it’s just bad luck…
The only way through it is over it
Grief is like a mountain that patiently waits for you to climb it.
It doesn’t move — ever. It doesn’t need to (let alone the fact that it can’t, of course). It’s job is to sit and wait. And it will wait forever.
One day you may find yourself at the foot of this mountain, sometimes very unexpectedly.
In the blink of an eye, someone you loved is gone and there is no going back.
You open your eyes to find a mountain in front of you. When you turn your head…
It’s as loud as it is quiet
My mother died one week ago. Our long and complicated relationship is over; and a new one begins.
We’ve worked out that I was the last person to see her live and the first person to find her deceased.
I don’t even know where to begin with that; and here I am writing about it in a public space.
But I want to. I need to.
It was my mother’s unusual silence that alerted my sister and I to the possibility that something might be up with mum. Not long out of hospital…
Quit the bullshit and stop waiting
I’ve been a passive fence-sitter of my own life for far too long. Waiting.
Waiting for the fear to go.
Waiting for the right time.
Waiting for a sign.
Waiting for permission.
For what? To live my life? On whose terms am I waiting?
What is my problem?
And what is yours?
Are you alive? Then you have permission.
The fact that you have been given the gift of life — and survived to this long — is permission enough (it’s proof enough) that you can do what you want.
Waiting or hoping to…
You already are your future self, so use it
Weight loss is hard.
Well, in principle it is easy: eat less move more. But in practice it is extraordinarily difficult. You’re probably aware of the dismal statistics related to long-term sustained weight loss success: it’s very very poor.
I know how difficult it is because I’ve spent years — decades — losing and gaining weight. I would say I’m somewhat of an expert at doing it. At succeeding then failing then succeeding again.
I’ll be upfront and say I find it very challenging to stay at a lower weight. Biology…
We all have them in our lives
I consider individuals who drain you of emotional and often physical energy ‘energetic vampires’. You probably know a couple already.
Energetic vampires are detectable by determining how you feel during and after you’ve spent some time with them. Do you walk away feeling refreshed and happy? Or do you walk away feeling exhausted and overwhelmed? If it’s the latter, they’ve probably used you in some unconscious capacity and now you’re feeling it.
Here’s a bit of a checklist I’ve thrown together to help you work out if you’re hanging out with…
Families do time too
Over a decade ago when my son was a toddler his father -my now ex-partner -went to prison. It was the most shocking thing that had ever happened to me at that point in my life.
There had been significant events leading up to his arrest — clearly he’d been breaking the law — and as I’ve now come to realise, can’t seem to stop screwing up. …
There has to be something good about ageing
Sex when you’re young can be fun, weird, uncomfortable, painful, ecstatic and scary. Granted, it can be that way during any period of your life but early sexual adventures are often fraught and a little crazy.
If you’re female, sex doesn’t often actually start to genuinely feel good until you’re well in your 20s. Hopefully by then you know yourself a bit better and what works for you. You’re able to speak up a little, ask for what you want and say no to what you don’t want. You might have learnt…
Australian writer, sexologist, & therapist. I sometimes write about sex & pleasure. I sometimes write about weird shit, my interests & being human.